This week’s Translation Tuesday spins fairytales into absurdist comedies in these selections from Mette Østgaard Henriksen’s hilarious collection, “Lesbian Fairytales about Men.” Translator Sharon Rhodes explains her technique in preserving the Danish phrase, “Der var engang en mand”: “Literally, this could be translated as ‘there was once a man,’ but to preserve the fairytale element I have used the English fairytale idiom, ‘once upon a time.’” The fabulist literary convention established by this opening line is turned upside down when we actually meet these fairytale characters—mundane, awkward, hapless, yet still painfully human. Our narrator’s deadpan wit and subtle comic timing offers a glimpse into the hidden lives of these sad and clueless men, parodically portraying them as tragic (or tragicomic) heroes.
Once upon a time there was a man with a good explanation for everything. No one could stand him. He never considered that it might be because he trampled on ladybugs. In a rage he set fire to a cat’s tail because it was very soft. That’s part of the story of how he became a little lonelier with each passing day.
Once upon a time there was a man who liked to walk around bare balled. He also liked being whipped, but most found his nakedness overwhelming. They threw blankets at him and pointed at the clothes lying on a chair. When it got to be too much he’d crawl under the covers and press his face against the wall and tell himself he could live with it.
Once upon a time there was a man who really wanted to get to know someone. He tried to push the turmoil out of his mind and focus on the cigarette between his lips and on coming off as relaxed and saying casual things to random people. But somehow he always ended up standing amid a jumble of boxes and chairs and bottles and ashtrays, realizing he was the last one there.
Once upon a time there was a man who was a little too drunk and had begun to shut out a great deal of missionary-type stuff. He sat on a red, plastic bench. He felt his head clear, and he looked at everything as if he was seeing it for the first time. He came to think that he was actually Superman.
Once upon a time there was a man who never answered the phone. He just saw the number, and then didn’t answer. When he got drunk he could say many gifted things about everyday life, but still it was as if it wasn’t enough.
Once upon a time there was a man who didn’t know what a potato cellar was. He had heard that term hundreds of times, and he did not like the sound of it. When he bought potatoes for himself, he went for the ones with the least dirt. He often turned and glanced at people. He was born somewhere in West Jutland, not far from the sea. It was clear that he had reeled off that line many times before.
Once upon a time there was a man who danced in that particular way. He danced and danced and it was always in precisely that way that he danced. When he had danced long enough, he began to sweat. His shirt grew wet both in front and in back. But he kept dancing until someone came over and said, we don’t really dance like that here.
Translated from the Danish by Sharon Rhodes
Mette Østgaard Henriksen is the author of Stikkersvin jeg fucker dig (Asshole I fuck you), a collection of poems adapted from traditional songs with modernized lyrics. Her recent collections are short prose works written in the form of miniature folktales: Hekse historier (Witch Stories) and Lesbiske eventyr om mænd (Lesbian Fairytales about Men), both published in 2014. Henriksen also writes for magazines and newspapers, contributes to anthologies, and conducts writing workshops for children and adults.
Sharon Rhodes is a literary translator who translates from Old English and Danish to English. She began translating literature as a PhD student at the University of Rochester. She has published several English translations of Old English poems and is currently working on a full-length Danish novel. A founding member of the sagebrush translation collective, Rhodes also works with other translators to hone their texts for English-reading audiences. When she’s not playing with words she’s playing with her border collie, Morgan.
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