HE
Content warning: This play includes scenes of extreme violence towards humans and animals and explicit descriptions of rape and sexual assault.
1.
morning
HE the sun pulls itself up
just over the horizon
still as low as the mist
still slow
and reluctant
to start the day
this thought runs through his head
and then it’s gone
he’s standing at the counter
spreading margarine
on a slice of bread
a thick layer
then chocolate sprinkles on top
hagelslag [sprinkles]
he folds it double
bolts down the bread
between gulps of coffee
another bite
another gulp
he stands
and stares
past the crack in his kitchen window
at the land outside
clouds are soggy cotton swabs
heavy and grey
the milky sun
still trapped behind the clouds
the air cold and damp
another bite
another gulp
he stands
and stares
past the crack in his kitchen window
at the land outside
outside are the flat fields of the north
their sustaining soil
their solid ground
a place with nothing
between land and sky
no steel glass concrete
just a few trees
rooted in the stubble
of unshaven fields
he shivers
hunches his shoulders
shoves his fists
into his pockets
2.
outside
HER VOICE she doesn’t know where she is
only that she’s hurting in places
that aren’t meant to hurt
she doesn’t want to think about it
she hears the blades of windmills
slashing and slashing
not catching the wind
but creating it
her bare feet hurt
each time they hit the asphalt
she’s running
not towards anything
but away from something
a car
is coming after her
a mercedes
she was in the back
next to the child seat
colourful stickers on the window
barnyard animals
blue horse
yellow pig
red hen
she looks out past the livestock
a port
cranes
cargo ships
her suitcase in her lap
and with each kilometre
a thought cuts deeper into her mind
there’s something wrong here
there’s something wrong here
there’s something wrong here
she should have jumped out
she should never have got in
she should have run
there’s something wrong here
blue horse
yellow pig
red hen
now she’s running
away
from the car
at the wheel
don’t think about it
sits the fourth man
don’t think about it
with his unwashed hands
her thighs are sticky
her thighs are sticky with
with blood and with
don’t think about it
don’t think
run
she runs
and
3.
kitchen
HE he has three certainties
and one suspicion
what he knows for certain
is that you never reach the horizon
is that every season is followed by another
is that life doesn’t last forever
and what he suspects
is that every night ends
with a sunrise
a lot of what he knew for a very long time
he hasn’t known for sure for a very long time now
ever since the earth swallowed
generations of footsteps
and churned up his ancestors
disturbing their eternal rest
his certainties have been as shaky
as the ground beneath his feet
but he knows it’s better
not to dwell on things
and he knows it’s easier
to smother your fear by daylight
than it is by night
he lays the knife and cup down in the sink
on the pile of washing-up
turns on the tap
and hears
the water heater switching on
the gas feeding the pilot light
and igniting
the dog barks
4.
outside
HER VOICE asphalt becomes earth
footsteps sink deeper and deeper into the sea clay
of the silted fields
yellow sodium light gives way to solid darkness
then to twilight
shapes return to a world
that seems emptier with every step
she stumbles across the crooked ditches
avoiding the farmhouses that stand out like beacons
in the northern landscape
she has no idea which houses hold friends or enemies
behind their high windows
no idea which ones are deserted
no idea where she’ll be safe from her predators
she has to run as far as she can now
before she dares think about
giving herself up to fate
the cold is driven away
by an inner heat
sweat burns out of her body
and clings
chilly
clammy
to every inch of skin
naked
nothing but a raincoat
she hears barking
she doesn’t know if it’s fear
or hope she’s feeling
or if there’s any difference
they both distort reality
they’ve both led her
into traps before
she had no choice then
she has no choice now
she hears a dog bark
HE wat is er jongen? [what’s the matter, boy?]
HER VOICE the dog barks5.
HE he puts on his coat
old, worn out, good for keeping warm
pulls on his galoshes
and walks over to his dog
wat is er jongen? [what’s the matter, boy?]
the dog barkshigh above the low mist
a flock of geese fly off
he’s heard the fairy tales
of the women in white
thin as air
in skirts of smoke
who hover over graveyards
grey tendrils of fog
transformed into women
by fear or desire
dancing across the fields
and vanishing
and now
here
in these times of statistics not sagas
he sees her
stumbling over his land
a phantom
appearing and disappearing
a ghostly form
drifting through the fog
it solidifies
then disappears
and reappears
now flesh and blood
and drifts away again
in wisps of mist
is this woman real or an apparition?
does one rule out the other?
the dog is silent
the wind is rising
it blows away the ghosts
6.
HER VOICE she sees a man standing
or thinks she sees a man
maybe
it’s a beech or a willow
or
something with branches
roots
it’s not moving
or he’s not moving
she stumbles closer
knowing
i need arms to carry me
i can’t get much further on my own
before i fall
her raincoat has come open
he looks at her
sees breasts
pubic hair
bruises
a body streaked with soil
and something that looks like blood
it’s on her face too
blood
a wisp of hair
stuck to the red on her cheek
she stares
into the distance
stares at him
it’s a man
she stretches her arms out in front of her
doesn’t know if she’s pushing him away
or asking for help
or maybe preserving
some kind of balance
she loses her balance
and sinks to the ground
7.
the woman comes closer
moving slower and slower
she stretches her hands out in front of her
a gesture that could just as easily
be a cry for help
or defence against danger
she is on a long journey
exhausted
determined
at the end of her rope
a few yards away from him
she stops
takes one last step
and sinks to the ground
she lies motionless
in silence
8.
HE the dog sniffs at her
pressing its nose against her cheek
af jongen [off boy]
she’s stopped movingaf [off]
he goes up to hersees flesh and blood
this is no ghost
he picks her up
and feels something in her
try to resist
and then surrender
her body goes limp in his arms
the coat hangs open
he looks at her
sees breasts
pubic hair
bruises
he tries not to look at the long red welts
wraps the fabric around her body again
as well as he can
takes her over his shoulder
and carries her inside
a hurt animal
hurt and soiled
she has to get clean
and warm
he walks towards her
looks
picks her up
and carries her
9.
inside
SHE something is carrying her
or else she’s floating
out of this world
with an escort of angels
but no
she feels herself draped over someone’s shoulder
she feels herself carried upstairs
she feels herself laid on a cold tile floor
only then does the cold really hit her
creeping out of the ground into her body
she shivers
and curls into a ball
he tugs at the thin fabric
of her raincoat
last line of defence
between the world and her body
trying to remove it
she tries
with powerless hands
to keep the raincoat shut
but she’s too weak
and half unconscious
he pulls her arms out of the sleeves
she lets them drop to her sides
fine
if it has to be this way
she thinks
if another piece of meat
is going to be shoved into my body
without my consent
then I’m better off unconscious
let this, she thinks,
let this be only a bad dream
HE he turns on the tap
the water sputters at first
then comes streaming out of the showerhead
soon the cold bathroom is full of steam
he rinses the soil off her
the blood
and other dirt
she’s no longer trembling
SHE she’s sitting motionless
in the warm shower
HE with his bare hands he washes
the clay from her feet
SHE the waters flooded the earth for forty days
HE he wipes her face
gently
washing off the blood
SHE even the highest mountains were covered
HE he washes her hair
with shower gel
SHE every living thing on earth perished
HE he turns down the pressure
SHE everything that lived and breathed on land was wiped out
HE he runs the water
gently
over the bruises
that cover her skin
SHE for one hundred and fifty days the earth
was completely covered with water
HE and then she’s clean
SHE he turns off the tap
wraps a big towel around her
and starts to dry her off
HE the way you dry off a calf
after a delivery
SHE the way you dry off a child
HE he lays her in bed
SHE she falls asleep
10.
HE she’s sleeping
SHE she’s dreaming
HE restless dreams
SHE when you dream
you relive your day
she would have preferred
a deep and dreamless sleep
sunk in oblivion
as long as it lasts
HE he picks up the dirty raincoat
to see if there’s anything in the pockets
SHE sleep should be a safe warm nest
not a torture chamber
HE hair grips
a wet tissue
condoms
SHE the condoms aren’t hers
HE a wad of banknotes
he smooths them out
three hundred euros
SHE not hers
HE a wallet
SHE hers
HE he puts the wallet into his back pocket
SHE why?
HE he doesn’t know why
he turns around
switches off the light
closes the door
and lets her sleep
11.
flashback / dream
SHE mercedes
barnyard animals
blue horse
yellow pig
red hen
the engine’s running
get in
someone waves her over
she doesn’t know him
where’s Andrei?
get in
she gets in the back
next to a child seat
the upholstery smells like a cigarette
she could do with a fag
strange
she hasn’t smoked
since she was pregnant
gut gut alles gut [fine, fine, everything’s fine]
vertraue mir [trust me]
“trust me”
she wishes he hadn’t said that
a person you can trust
doesn’t have to say that
she trusted Andrei
the driver lights a cigarette
she can feel his eyes in the rear-view mirror
she can see him rub his crotch
12.
HE he had never expected a woman
to be lying in bed in his house
ever again
it makes his head spin
she’s lying in the double bed
he stopped using long ago
now that he’s on his own
he sleeps in the guest room
in a single bed
a farmer learns to live with the unexpected
and life goes on
13.
flashback / dream
SHE when the car crossed the border
she thought to herself
a country that takes better care of its motorways
than mine does of its people
can’t be a bad country
can it?
of course she’d heard the stories
and knew about the dark side
but the things that happened to other people
didn’t have to happen to her
half her village
did seasonal work in the west
planting asparagus
plastering walls
picking orders at distribution centres
or house cleaning
the benefits of the European Union
why shouldn’t she get her share?
you can’t complain of bad luck
if you never take a chance
and she trusted Andrei
trouble always starts
with a woman trusting a man
14.
on the telephone
HE they’ve put him on hold again
ja [yes]
met Woldring [Woldring speaking]
Henk Woldring
ja
ja nee [yeah no]
ik bel voor de heer Lamberts [I’m calling for Mr. Lamberts]
nee ik zou de heer Lamberts persoonlijk willen spreken [no I’d
like to speak to Mr. Lamberts himself please]
the man he wants to speak to is Mr. Lamberts
and it’s urgent!
het is dringend [it’s urgent]
nee dat gaat niet [no that’s not possible]
goed [ok]
goed dan bel ik morgen weer [ok i’ll call again tomorrow then]
ja dat snap ik [yes I understand]
ook goedendag [you have a good day too]
15.
flashback / dream
SHE they drive past endless rows of windmills
chimney pipes flaring off gas at industrial sites
dark black voids—pastures or bottomless pits
and at the end of the world
where the land falls into the water
they stop
she gets out
ship fuel
exhaust fumes
wet dog
rotting waste
a door—open
inside she still smells exhaust fumes
and cigarette ashes
spilled drinks
and another smell
a sharp smell
sperm
the place reeks of old sex
two men drinking coffee
the driver sits down next to them
the plastic cups crunch in their hands
posprzątać? tutaj? [clean up? here?]
the men don’t speak Polishonly Dutch
harsh
rough
cold
this landscape
these men
the language
full of guttural sounds
that start in your stomach
and come gagging out of your gullet
it’s not talking
it’s throwing up
Polish is an ice-cold mountain stream
Dutch is an open sewer
a fourth man comes out of the toilet
without washing his hands
arbeiten hier? saubermachen? [work here? clean
up?]
ja ja, saubermachen [sure, sure, clean up]
the second pulls her arms behind her back
the third tears open her skirt
and the fourth man takes—
with his unwashed hands, he—
they change places
and start all over
why isn’t she biting
why isn’t she scratching
why isn’t she kicking
and when they’re done
and she grabs her coat
to cover herself
the fourth man stuffs money into the pocket
arbeiten hier [work here]
with a dirty mattress
and a cracked sink
the door is locked
but not the window
16.
evening
HE he’s at her bedside
with a bowl of soup
she has to eat, doesn’t she?
she’s still sleeping
restless
talking in her sleep
SHE posprzątać? tutaj? [clean up? here?]
HE he doesn’t know what she’s sayingwhere does she come from?
some eastern-bloc place?
she moans
shakes her head
SHE nie [no]
nie
where you get no rest
he knows all about it
the panic invades your dreams
and you wake up knackered
he sets the bowl of soup on the nightstand
and lays his hand on her bare shoulder
SHE nie
nie
turns out the light
and leaves the room
17.
night
she’s still tossing and turning
more like fighting than sleeping
and he can’t sleep either
he stares at the ceiling
until first light
18.
morning
HE he’s drinking coffee
standing up
at the counter
storm in the distance
a cloud spilling out grey darkness
over the land
all night he could hear her tossing and turning
and groaning words
in that foreign language
she didn’t calm down until morning
he got out of bed
there’s not much in the wallet
a few coins with an eagle
zloty
and a photo of two smiling faces
a little girl
and the woman in bed upstairs
in his house
nothing else
no cards
no ID
no name
he puts down the photo
and drinks his coffee
19.
morning
SHE she wakes up in a room she doesn’t recognize
stares at the crack in the ceiling
and tries to remember
where she is
every part of her body hurts
that’s good
pain means life
life means future
she sits up
groans
wonders what and where and how
then pushes it away
on the nightstand there’s a bowl of cold soup
she takes the bowl
and drinks the cold soup in great glugs
she hears voices
men’s voices
she freezes
listening
HE on the telephone
ja [yeah]
SHE not voicesHE on the telephone
ja met Henk [yes this is Henk]
SHE a voiceHE on the telephone
Woldring
SHE one voiceHE on the telephone
ja goed ik wacht wel [yeah sure i can wait]
SHE his voiceand then his silence
she sits on the edge of the bed
takes a deep breath
and stands up
pain
HE he hears creaking
upstairs
something else comes to mind
and then he realizes:
footsteps
he hasn’t heard footsteps in this house
for a very long time
SHE she tries not to make a sound
to make every step weightless
it’s raining outside
she can hear the raindrops
hitting the fields
HE he’ll have to check the barn this morning
see if the roof’s still leaking
SHE she finds clothes in the wardrobe
men’s clothes
she gets dressed
rolls up the legs and the sleeves
puts on a pair of coarse thick socks
she shuffles to the door
HE he hears the creaking
SHE she hesitates
opens the door
listens
HE on the telephone
ja hallo [yes hello]
zesentwintigduizend [twenty-six thousand]
ja dat zal wel moeten [yes it’s the only way]
SHE who’s he calling?
HE on the telephone
o
en wanneer hoor ik dan [so when will i hear . . .]
volgende week? [next week?]
kunt u niet [can’t you . . .]
goed [ok]
dan wacht ik een week [then I’ll wait a week]
HE he sighs because everything takes time
time he doesn’t have
because time is money
money he doesn’t have
SHE she goes out into the corridor
down the stairs
hesitates
hides behind a door jamb
peers into the kitchen
he’s standing at the counter
with his back to her
the sink is full of dirty cups
there’s an unwashed pan on the filthy cooker
he takes a bite of his bread
HE bread with sprinkles
hagelslag
SHE takes a gulp of coffee with his mouth full
HE washing down the food
SHE she sees her wallet on the counter
the photo beside it
the woman she was
smiles up at her
her daughter smiles up at her
a knot in her stomach
oh
HE he hears herturns around
SHE she stares at the floor
HE he takes a cup out of the sink
rinses it off
and fills it with coffee
koffie? [coffee?]
SHE dziękuję [thank you]
HE wat zeg je? [beg your pardon?]
SHE dziękuję [thank you]
HE ja [yes]
van jou [it’s yours]
HE he found it in her coat
SHE dziękuję [thank you]
danke [thank you]
SHE he picks up a slice of bread
pale, limp bread
and spreads margarine on it
HE kaas [cheese]
of hagelslag? [or sprinkles?]
like getting something stuck in your throat
as if the words stick to your palate
and won’t come out
[she imitates the guttural Dutch g sounds in hagelslag]
ga gel ga
HE hagelslagSHE he pours something gritty and brown
from a cardboard box
onto the bread
HE she wets her finger
dips it in the sprinkles
and tastes
SHE czekolada [chocolate]
HE chocolade
ja
hagelslag
SHE chocolate on bread
she’s not a child
HE she mumbles something
SHE thank you for our daily bread
HE crosses herself
and starts to eat
SHE ha-gel-slag
HE ja
drink coffee
standing at the counter
it’s awkward
SHE ich . . . ich bin Anna . . . [I . . . I am Anna . . .]
Anna Kryżanowska. [Anna Kryżanowska.]
HE Woldring.
Henk Woldring.
SHE Wol-dring . . .
HE mm-hm
it’s awkward
SHE ich . . . aus Polska . . . [I . . . from Poland . . .]
Chorzów
HE Polen? [Poland?]
SHE tak [yes]
HE wat moet je dan hier? [then what are you doing here?]
SHE [repeating the sounds of the question]
wat-moetje . . .?
HE hier [here]
waarom ben je hier [why are you here]
SHE warum bin ich hier? [why am I here?]
HE hm?
SHE jesrem bezrobotna [I am unemployed]
kein arbeit, kein geld [no work, no money]
kein essen genug für mein kind [not enough food for my child]
und mein mutter und mich [and my mother and I]
aber dann in zeitung [but then in the newspaper]
pokojówka gefragt [maids wanted]
zimmermädchen [chambermaids]
für hotel in Holandia [for a hotel in Holland]
viel geld [lots of money]
silence
SHE aber kein hotel [but no hotel]
HE kein hotel
it wasn’t a hotel
it wasn’t a cleaning job
now he understands
long silence
HE ik zal je naar de politie brengen [i’ll bring you to the police]
SHE policja? [police?]
HE ja
SHE nein [no]
nicht [not]
bitte nicht policja [please not police]
nicht policja [not police]
HE ik zal je geld geven [i will give you money]
dan kan je terug naar huis [so you can go home]
SHE [she repeats the sounds]
trug naruis?
HE huis [home]
hause [home]
ik geef je geld [i’ll give you money]
geld [money]
voor de reis naar hause [for the journey home]
he pulls out his wallet
takes a few banknotes
and holds them out to her
she pushes away his hand
and shakes her head
HE well what do you want from me then
SHE she needs to workshe needs the money
ich arbeiten hier [i’ll work here]
für geld [for money]
ist gut? [is that ok?]
puts his wallet back in his pocket
HE he can’t offer her work
he can’t offer her money
ik heb geen werk voor je [i have no job for you]
he leaves the houseSHE ja [yes]
ist gut [it’s ok]
she picks up a scrubbing brush
turns on the tap
and starts washing up
